A few times throughout the game you get these sections where you get to play as this girl called Ciri. Now, the problem I have with these Ciri sections is that it makes me wish I could play as her for the whole game! Not only is she a pretty interesting character… She’s also got this cool little dash which means that you can basically run rings around the enemy, as compared to Geralt who can sometimes feel a bit err… clunky. Geralt’s main mission in the game is to track down and find Ciri, so you get these flashback scenes when you learn a little more about happened to her. By the way, considering that this game doesn’t have to load that often, it’s kind of annoying that it has to load before every flashback. I mean, imagine this had to happen in a movie… "I don't remember a time before living in that laboratory.
That fateful night started like any other..." "Sacks gave us our injections." One thing that I always find weird in these types of games is the fact that, even though you’re meant to be on this big urgent quest to save Ciri, you’ve still got time to piss about and do something trivial like challenge someone to a horse race… Or do stupid weird shit like… whatever the fuck’s meant to be going on here! You would have thought that if Geralt was desperate to find Ciri, he would actually get on and try and look for her a bit more. And it’s not even as if you get much XP from the side quests, but still, they’re part of what makes the game so good. There’s so many of them and for the most part, they’re actually all pretty entertaining- there’s something strangely funny about the way that the Baron holds out his dead baby demon like that. There’s also this whole set missions to do with a card game called Gwent. Now, to be honest, I don’t really know much about Gwent, so let’s try and call an expert to find out more… "Yeah." "Hi! I was wondering if you could describe Gwent for me?" "Why?" "Gwent- the card game." "Yeah- why?" "Can you describe it for me please?" "Err well what do you mean- the rules?" "Yeah just something... anything." "Err well what kind of description are you after? I don't really get it." "Urm... the rules." "Well the rules are to get..
it's done in three rounds, it's first to two and if you've got more coins than them by the end of the round then you win the round." "That sounds fascinating- tell me more!" "Are you recording this?" "Hahaha... No!" Yeah, so basically you go round collecting new cards to add to your deck, then you go round doing stuff like challenging strangers and entering tournaments- I think I’ll stick to fighting bad guys for now though… My biggest annoyance in the game is the controls… There not that bad, but just sometimes a bit awkward. Geralt’s jump is fucking terrible. Sometimes it gets a bit fiddly trying to find the exact right spot that the game wants you to examine something from… Sometimes Roach the horse really does decide to act like a fucking idiot… Roach, I know for a fact this door isn't locked. See? Roach you've got to start getting your shit together! Combat at times can feel a bit stiff, but I suppose, once you start to get the hang of things, it all does become a lot easier. You’ve gotta learn that you just can’t run in and take on a swarm of enemies like it’s a Fable game or something, no instead, you have to be cautious and cunning and try to pick off the enemies one by one. Or, of course, you could always resort to exploiting dumb AI like I did here- this Ignis thing is slowly bleeding to death and for some reason he can’t quite work out how to walk up a slight slope to get to me.
I don’t even know why bothering with the crossbow really, I mean, I may as well just use this time to do something productive like get another beer… If all else fails though, you can always try and talk your way out of a fight… So far, I’ve only had the game freeze on me once, which isn’t too bad but “oh fuck” indeed. So in the end, this turns out to be one of those games where, you never quite want to quit because when you think you’re done, you always end up stumbling across something new, so you’re like “OK, THIS will be the last mission I do today, DEFINITELY! Maybe…” Aww... are you fucking kidding me? Now she's got some super teleporting magic dash thing- Geralt! You fucking suck...".